Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know
Mr Big! Enough said #baow
Thursday 3 February 2011
30 days of truth : Day Nine
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted
I often think about some people, mostly friends, one other, that I wish were still active in my life, but like the title says "Live life with no regrets, just lessons learned" . Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the good Lord needs to remove things, and indeed people, from your life, and allow better things, and of course people, to take their place :-)
I often think about some people, mostly friends, one other, that I wish were still active in my life, but like the title says "Live life with no regrets, just lessons learned" . Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the good Lord needs to remove things, and indeed people, from your life, and allow better things, and of course people, to take their place :-)
30 days of truth : Day Eight
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Boy oh boy. What a real question. First of all, #shoutout to my loyal readers. All three of you. When I wrote that on twitter, people thought it was hilarious. I was like "no, honestly, I can only think of three people who actually read my blog". Or at least admit it. So shoutout to y'all lol.
I think you all know the answer to this question. It was well publicized at the time, and it's not something I shy away from now. Maybe I can use this entry to dispel a few myths:
1) It was not all me, despite what he says. I am not completely stupid
2) Every time I walked away, in fact, FOUGHT to be set free, he wouldn't let me go. I would ignore his texts, screen his calls. Avoid him at school. And still he PURSUED. I recall times where he would just show up at my apartment, unannounced, and definitely uninvited. The fact that he was persona non grata did not faze him in the slightest
3) He would swear, unprompted, on everything how he wasn't talking to anyone else. How he wasn't dating anyone else. How he definitely wasn't sleeping with anyone else. I didn't ask. He would offer that information up.
4) I did not pay for him to fly first-class to England. I've only flown first class internationally once myself. Don't be so ridiculous.
5) I did not delete his classes off of OWL Express. He wanted me to research teachers and register for him for the next semester, I did so, and then I decided that was a dumbass move and de-registered them, and told him to do them himself.
Anything else you need to know? I can answer truthfully for you lol.
Remember...never believe a pathological liar smh.
Boy oh boy. What a real question. First of all, #shoutout to my loyal readers. All three of you. When I wrote that on twitter, people thought it was hilarious. I was like "no, honestly, I can only think of three people who actually read my blog". Or at least admit it. So shoutout to y'all lol.
I think you all know the answer to this question. It was well publicized at the time, and it's not something I shy away from now. Maybe I can use this entry to dispel a few myths:
1) It was not all me, despite what he says. I am not completely stupid
2) Every time I walked away, in fact, FOUGHT to be set free, he wouldn't let me go. I would ignore his texts, screen his calls. Avoid him at school. And still he PURSUED. I recall times where he would just show up at my apartment, unannounced, and definitely uninvited. The fact that he was persona non grata did not faze him in the slightest
3) He would swear, unprompted, on everything how he wasn't talking to anyone else. How he wasn't dating anyone else. How he definitely wasn't sleeping with anyone else. I didn't ask. He would offer that information up.
4) I did not pay for him to fly first-class to England. I've only flown first class internationally once myself. Don't be so ridiculous.
5) I did not delete his classes off of OWL Express. He wanted me to research teachers and register for him for the next semester, I did so, and then I decided that was a dumbass move and de-registered them, and told him to do them himself.
Anything else you need to know? I can answer truthfully for you lol.
Remember...never believe a pathological liar smh.
Thursday 27 January 2011
Pea coat:: $200, boots: $150, Confidence: priceless
My hiatus from blogging was self-induced. For the first time in about 5 years, I was not experiencing any type of overwhelming emotion. Love, hate, anger...none of them. Coincidentally, it was the first time in about 5 years that I had been truly single. I'm not just talking about lack of a relationship, I'm also talking about lack of emotional connection to ANYBODY.
In the past 5 years, I had dealt with 3 males in particular. And let me tell you, in retrospect, I got it ALL the way wrong. All of it. Now, let me just tell you, I do not cheat. I do not play games. I do not break hearts. And I do not destroy people. But that is not the case for everybody. It seems as though being upfront is such a loss art, that people like me are in fact in the majority. It was partially cultural differences, partially stupidity on my part, and a lot of immaturity on their part.
Now that we've covered the background, I'm not scared to admit I've cried. I've stayed in situations longer than usual and I've tried harder than reasonable. I've been THAT chick who doesn't know when to "let go". Because I leave all my cards on the table. I leave everything on the field. My mother told me that I should stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. But I believe if you bet big, you win big. As well as lose big, it seems.
So, during my "hiatus", I started to think about my situations. And how I got myself into them. More importantly than that, how did I manage to STAY into them?
All I can come up with is that it was a lack of confidence on my part. Now don't get me wrong, out of the three, I really truly did like one of them. And another was perfect on paper, if not in actuality. The third? Everyone makes mistakes right? :-)
I feel as though I rebounded too quickly and rather focusing on myself, I rushed into the next situations to right the wrongs of the last relationship. Like, I thought it was my fault rather than the fact it was just not meant to be. Like "I'm a great person, who wouldn't want to commit to me?" led me to search shortsightedly for someone who would. And rather than accept it wasn't working, I would try and force it to work, otherwise I clearly wouldn't be as great as I thought it would.
Perhaps, I was one of those people who didn't want to be alone, because I looked at it as a weakness rather than a liberating period that could be used for self-discovery. If I was more comfortable with the idea of being alone, than maybe I wouldn't have wasted 5 of the most important years of my life. Maybe I wouldn't have wasted as many tears. But then again, maybe I wouldn't have experienced the catalyst needed to bring me to my current point in life. I'm completely single, completely happy, and completely focused on making myself a better person. I have a new life, a new career, and by the end of 2011, God willing, I will have a new car and a new house. Not rented, purchased.
And now I know what my problems were, and now that I'm constantly addressing them and working on myself, I know for a FACT I will never be in another situation like the 3 I was in. As different as they were {and they all were extremely different} essentially they had one thing in common: Manifested out of an apparent lack of confidence on my part. Sure, I'd like to have "somebody". But it's not a priority by any means right now.
So, ladies. Know who YOU are, before you try and get to know who HE is. It will save a lot of tears and stress in the long run.
In the past 5 years, I had dealt with 3 males in particular. And let me tell you, in retrospect, I got it ALL the way wrong. All of it. Now, let me just tell you, I do not cheat. I do not play games. I do not break hearts. And I do not destroy people. But that is not the case for everybody. It seems as though being upfront is such a loss art, that people like me are in fact in the majority. It was partially cultural differences, partially stupidity on my part, and a lot of immaturity on their part.
Now that we've covered the background, I'm not scared to admit I've cried. I've stayed in situations longer than usual and I've tried harder than reasonable. I've been THAT chick who doesn't know when to "let go". Because I leave all my cards on the table. I leave everything on the field. My mother told me that I should stop wearing my heart on my sleeve. But I believe if you bet big, you win big. As well as lose big, it seems.
So, during my "hiatus", I started to think about my situations. And how I got myself into them. More importantly than that, how did I manage to STAY into them?
All I can come up with is that it was a lack of confidence on my part. Now don't get me wrong, out of the three, I really truly did like one of them. And another was perfect on paper, if not in actuality. The third? Everyone makes mistakes right? :-)
I feel as though I rebounded too quickly and rather focusing on myself, I rushed into the next situations to right the wrongs of the last relationship. Like, I thought it was my fault rather than the fact it was just not meant to be. Like "I'm a great person, who wouldn't want to commit to me?" led me to search shortsightedly for someone who would. And rather than accept it wasn't working, I would try and force it to work, otherwise I clearly wouldn't be as great as I thought it would.
Perhaps, I was one of those people who didn't want to be alone, because I looked at it as a weakness rather than a liberating period that could be used for self-discovery. If I was more comfortable with the idea of being alone, than maybe I wouldn't have wasted 5 of the most important years of my life. Maybe I wouldn't have wasted as many tears. But then again, maybe I wouldn't have experienced the catalyst needed to bring me to my current point in life. I'm completely single, completely happy, and completely focused on making myself a better person. I have a new life, a new career, and by the end of 2011, God willing, I will have a new car and a new house. Not rented, purchased.
And now I know what my problems were, and now that I'm constantly addressing them and working on myself, I know for a FACT I will never be in another situation like the 3 I was in. As different as they were {and they all were extremely different} essentially they had one thing in common: Manifested out of an apparent lack of confidence on my part. Sure, I'd like to have "somebody". But it's not a priority by any means right now.
So, ladies. Know who YOU are, before you try and get to know who HE is. It will save a lot of tears and stress in the long run.
30 days of truth : Day Seven
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Just one person? That's tough. I would say my mother. Cliche, but it's true. She embodies everything I want to be, and more {just minus the attitude LOL}. She is FIERCE. Cultured. Empathetic. Selfless. Giving. I would not be who I am without HER. I would not have this degree without her. I would have not have traveled the world without her. I would not be about to start the job of a lifetime without her. Sure, she's not perfect, but she has made this journey called life a little bit more exciting. I owe her a lot.
Just one person? That's tough. I would say my mother. Cliche, but it's true. She embodies everything I want to be, and more {just minus the attitude LOL}. She is FIERCE. Cultured. Empathetic. Selfless. Giving. I would not be who I am without HER. I would not have this degree without her. I would have not have traveled the world without her. I would not be about to start the job of a lifetime without her. Sure, she's not perfect, but she has made this journey called life a little bit more exciting. I owe her a lot.
30 days of truth : Day Six
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Bury a child. Nuff said.
Bury a child. Nuff said.
30 days of truth : Day Five
So clearly I haven't updated in a while lol, but it's not my fault! A lot of things have been going on. We've had Christmas, and New Year, and I had to fly back to the US to pack up the rest of my crap stuff, and...well, ok I'm out of excuses. So this is probably day 35 rather than day 5. But I'm going to pretend that we didn't have that lil break, and just pick up where I left off
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
I'm a stereotypical Cancer. I'm shy and moody. I observe and over-analyze. I'm very caring and nurturing. I've accomplished a hell of a lot in my short 23 years on this Earth, and sometimes I forget this. However, #lowkey there's something that I'm really anxious to do...
I want to get married and start a family. Growing up, I thought this would happen around the age of 20 (what the heck was *I* thinking?!?!). And after my dreams were destroyed (lol), I thought it would be 25. Now as that landmark is slowly approaching, and I've grown and experienced so much with life and men, I don't see it on the horizon anytime soon. Potentially at all. Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed, to poorly quote a Sex & the City episode. What you want, and what is destined to happen, are often two different things.
So you know, maybe some day I'll settle down and have the 4 kids I always thought. Or maybe I'll continue to live this single and fabulous lifestyle. Who knows?
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
I'm a stereotypical Cancer. I'm shy and moody. I observe and over-analyze. I'm very caring and nurturing. I've accomplished a hell of a lot in my short 23 years on this Earth, and sometimes I forget this. However, #lowkey there's something that I'm really anxious to do...
I want to get married and start a family. Growing up, I thought this would happen around the age of 20 (what the heck was *I* thinking?!?!). And after my dreams were destroyed (lol), I thought it would be 25. Now as that landmark is slowly approaching, and I've grown and experienced so much with life and men, I don't see it on the horizon anytime soon. Potentially at all. Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed, to poorly quote a Sex & the City episode. What you want, and what is destined to happen, are often two different things.
So you know, maybe some day I'll settle down and have the 4 kids I always thought. Or maybe I'll continue to live this single and fabulous lifestyle. Who knows?
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