Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
I have to forgive that guy for being so selfish and doing what's best for HIM, and not giving a fuck about my feelings in the process. And for being so unapologetic about it. This may be my shortest entry, because I'm not talking about it.
We may be cool again one day, but honestly, I don't know when that will be.
SJ
Saturday 11 December 2010
30 days of truth : Day Three
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
I know, I know. It's been a few days since I had an entry. So it's not really 30 consecutive days. But things have been so busy with me, and I'm trying lol. So I'ma catch up a bit, I promise.
Something I have to forgive myself for? Easy. For wasting my time on people who don't deserve it.
If I have one regret in life, it's wasting my time. Every single second, every single minute we spend being unhappy is time that we can't get back. Life is too short. Before we know it, it's over. And when I look back, I wonder "what was I thinking?" Well actually, I think "what the fuck is wrong with you?" but I was trying to clean it up.
I put a lot of pressure on myself. I want to be brilliant. I want it all, and honestly, I don't think that's too much to ask, because I know it can be done. And in my pursuit of wanting it all, I have held on to toxic situations in hope that they will take a turn for the better, rather than cutting my losses and trying again. And now, at 23, I sit here and think of how much happiness I missed out on and how many tears I wasted rather than just not fearing change. And it makes me mad. And honestly, sometimes I beat myself up about it. And so I think more than anything, if I can make permanent peace with myself about it all, life will be that much sweeter :-)
S.J.
I know, I know. It's been a few days since I had an entry. So it's not really 30 consecutive days. But things have been so busy with me, and I'm trying lol. So I'ma catch up a bit, I promise.
Something I have to forgive myself for? Easy. For wasting my time on people who don't deserve it.
If I have one regret in life, it's wasting my time. Every single second, every single minute we spend being unhappy is time that we can't get back. Life is too short. Before we know it, it's over. And when I look back, I wonder "what was I thinking?" Well actually, I think "what the fuck is wrong with you?" but I was trying to clean it up.
I put a lot of pressure on myself. I want to be brilliant. I want it all, and honestly, I don't think that's too much to ask, because I know it can be done. And in my pursuit of wanting it all, I have held on to toxic situations in hope that they will take a turn for the better, rather than cutting my losses and trying again. And now, at 23, I sit here and think of how much happiness I missed out on and how many tears I wasted rather than just not fearing change. And it makes me mad. And honestly, sometimes I beat myself up about it. And so I think more than anything, if I can make permanent peace with myself about it all, life will be that much sweeter :-)
S.J.
Saturday 4 December 2010
30 days of truth : Day Two
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Where do I start? I LOVE me lol. But seriously, I think the thing I love about myself most is my resilience. No matter what I've done in life, and I have done a lot, I have been knocked down, disappointed, rejected, screwed over...and still, I rise.
Just a brief overview. I am the children of immigrants. I don't even know how many siblings my mother has without counting them out lol. I was the first one to go to college, and graduate. Can you imagine how much pressure is on me? I am the blueprint. I am the bench mark. I got teased incredulously as a child for being smart. For being "too white". For being able to read well {no BS}. Anytime anyone of my cousins messed up, it was "why can't you be more like Sarah?". I am used as a boasting tool by both sets of grandparents, as well as my parents. People often ask me why I moved to the US. Well there are many reasons, but I suppose the main one is that being educated in England means being surrounded by predominantly white people. And while I love my white people, I felt growing up that I was missing out on something. All of my black friends were a hot mess. I guess you can say I come from the "hood" although I'm prissy...idk how that works lol.
Anyway, the United States, and metro-Atlanta especially, is a great place for an educated black person to be. They have their own black bourgeoisie. I often don't think my black American friends know how lucky they are. They can go to a hospital, and the doctor is black. They can go to a courthouse, and the judge is black. They can go to a restaurant, and the owner is black. I see a Bentley on 75, and I don't hope it is a black person driving it, I am CONFIDENT as it is.
I digress. My resilience. I am a very strong person, and I don't think I give myself enough credit for that on many occasions. I moved to the USA by myself. At 18. Not knowing anybody in GA. Set up a life there. Graduated in 4 years. Dated a lot. Dealt with 3 insanely irregular men I was serious about. Even if, in retrospect, they weren't serious about me. These were not normal situations, each of them were unique {and not in a good way} in their own way. I dealt with the heartache and disappointment not being able to go home to escape everything. Not being able to see my family for half a year at a time. Not being able to have those mother-daughter talks like I wanted to.
Anyway my point is I survived. I more than survived, I flourished. I graduated with a 3.45 despite my circumstances. And THAT was a disappointment because I should have done better, but I let the wrong people turn my head. I worked and supported myself entirely after graduation. I became self-sufficient. I re-discovered my love for myself. I am 23, and entirely debt-free. How many people can say that? I'll wait.
My point is, I don't doubt my strengths or my character ever. I may doubt that people are intelligent enough to recognize them, but I can honestly say they don't make too many like me anymore. I am a strong, black, West-Indian/British woman. And I love that about myself.
- @theEnglishchick
Where do I start? I LOVE me lol. But seriously, I think the thing I love about myself most is my resilience. No matter what I've done in life, and I have done a lot, I have been knocked down, disappointed, rejected, screwed over...and still, I rise.
Just a brief overview. I am the children of immigrants. I don't even know how many siblings my mother has without counting them out lol. I was the first one to go to college, and graduate. Can you imagine how much pressure is on me? I am the blueprint. I am the bench mark. I got teased incredulously as a child for being smart. For being "too white". For being able to read well {no BS}. Anytime anyone of my cousins messed up, it was "why can't you be more like Sarah?". I am used as a boasting tool by both sets of grandparents, as well as my parents. People often ask me why I moved to the US. Well there are many reasons, but I suppose the main one is that being educated in England means being surrounded by predominantly white people. And while I love my white people, I felt growing up that I was missing out on something. All of my black friends were a hot mess. I guess you can say I come from the "hood" although I'm prissy...idk how that works lol.
Anyway, the United States, and metro-Atlanta especially, is a great place for an educated black person to be. They have their own black bourgeoisie. I often don't think my black American friends know how lucky they are. They can go to a hospital, and the doctor is black. They can go to a courthouse, and the judge is black. They can go to a restaurant, and the owner is black. I see a Bentley on 75, and I don't hope it is a black person driving it, I am CONFIDENT as it is.
I digress. My resilience. I am a very strong person, and I don't think I give myself enough credit for that on many occasions. I moved to the USA by myself. At 18. Not knowing anybody in GA. Set up a life there. Graduated in 4 years. Dated a lot. Dealt with 3 insanely irregular men I was serious about. Even if, in retrospect, they weren't serious about me. These were not normal situations, each of them were unique {and not in a good way} in their own way. I dealt with the heartache and disappointment not being able to go home to escape everything. Not being able to see my family for half a year at a time. Not being able to have those mother-daughter talks like I wanted to.
Anyway my point is I survived. I more than survived, I flourished. I graduated with a 3.45 despite my circumstances. And THAT was a disappointment because I should have done better, but I let the wrong people turn my head. I worked and supported myself entirely after graduation. I became self-sufficient. I re-discovered my love for myself. I am 23, and entirely debt-free. How many people can say that? I'll wait.
My point is, I don't doubt my strengths or my character ever. I may doubt that people are intelligent enough to recognize them, but I can honestly say they don't make too many like me anymore. I am a strong, black, West-Indian/British woman. And I love that about myself.
- @theEnglishchick
Friday 3 December 2010
30 days of truth : Day One
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
This is a slightly difficult one to start off on. I have spent a considerable amount of time concentrating on my strengths and embracing my weaknesses that I don't really "hate" anything about myself. But since it's all fun and games, I would have to say that I have this unenviable ability to tolerate foolishness from significant others.
I believe it stems from the fact that I absolutely DESPISE confrontation. I find that the men I've dated, when criticized, get ultra-defensive, and you know what they say, attacking is the best form of defense. I have often been the one to just shrug my shoulders and swallow bull rather than risk starting an argument.
However, as I've grown, I've come to realize that not all confrontation is destructive, and for my own health and the health of the relationship, I know in future I will not hold back in airing any grievances I have about a situation. I will just be diplomatic in doing so. After all, holding on to one's frustrations can actually have a negative impact on a situation. I always liken holding your tongue when somebody offends you to blowing up a balloon. Over indulgence can lead to you destroying everything you've worked towards.
Thank you for reading :-)
- S.J. ♥
This is a slightly difficult one to start off on. I have spent a considerable amount of time concentrating on my strengths and embracing my weaknesses that I don't really "hate" anything about myself. But since it's all fun and games, I would have to say that I have this unenviable ability to tolerate foolishness from significant others.
I believe it stems from the fact that I absolutely DESPISE confrontation. I find that the men I've dated, when criticized, get ultra-defensive, and you know what they say, attacking is the best form of defense. I have often been the one to just shrug my shoulders and swallow bull rather than risk starting an argument.
However, as I've grown, I've come to realize that not all confrontation is destructive, and for my own health and the health of the relationship, I know in future I will not hold back in airing any grievances I have about a situation. I will just be diplomatic in doing so. After all, holding on to one's frustrations can actually have a negative impact on a situation. I always liken holding your tongue when somebody offends you to blowing up a balloon. Over indulgence can lead to you destroying everything you've worked towards.
Thank you for reading :-)
Wednesday 1 December 2010
30 days of truth
No I had no idea how to get this blog rockin' from jump, so I thought to myself, what themes have I enjoyed from blogs I've read? Well, my good friend Lucy {@Lucy_Pearl - follow her} did this awesome series a little while back: 30 Days of Truth. I thought I'd hop on her bandwagon. So, over the course of December, I will reveal something to you. Because of the awkward nature of this time of year {well, the partying and celebrating I will be doing}, I will double up on some days and not post on others. So here is the blueprint:
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Enjoy!
- @theEnglishchick
Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Enjoy!
- @theEnglishchick
Allow me to reintroduce myself
I've been threatening meaning to start a blog for the longest time, and I've finally become "less talk" more action. Anybody who follows me on twitter knows I always have a lot to say :-). So here's a summary of what you can expect from this blog: music, love, life, sports, and obviously, an extreme amount of randomness. I thank you for staying tuned, and may I be as entertaining to you as you all are to me!
S.J. ♥
S.J. ♥
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